Blended Family Problems – 5 of the Most Common – Part #2

Step (or blended) families are the fastest growing family type in America. Even so, there’s a lot of confusion about how they function. This confusion often, leads to many blended family problems as these new families quickly realize just how hard life in this family can be.

Today I want to continue with another list of 5 more of the most common blended family problems. Learning these will help you know what NOT to do and to identify the right steps to take. This saves you time and arguments – and, with a little luck, create the step family of your dreams.

Blended Family Problems #1:  

Trying to always be a family – Trying to do all activities as a family when people feel like strangers will backfire.

• Don’t rush blended family relationships. Allow them to grow at their own pace.
• Your children are used to doing things with just you. Don’t stop doing that just because you’re married now. All families split and do different things at different times based on the family members’ preferences. Don’t change that now just because you want everyone to like each other.

Blended Family Problems #2:

Not leaving enough time for the couple – Focusing all your time and attention on making a great step family leads to the blended family problems of a lousy marriage. You are newlyweds after all.

• You need time to strengthen your relationship and commitment to one another.
• This can’t be done when all of your time is spent running kids here there and everywhere. Making time for the couple has to be a priority. Remember, if your marriage fails it doesn’t matter how hard you worked on the blended family because it will no longer exist.

Blended Family Problems #3:

Forcing the kids to call their new step parent ___ - Telling them that they have to use “mom”, “dad”, “step parent”, or their name takes freedom away from the kids.

• Let the kids decide what they will call their step parent.
• Don’t take that choice away from them. This whole step family thing is out of their control anyway, give them something to have a say in. Forcing this issue will cause the blended family problem of hindering your child’s relationship with their new step parent. Besides remember, what they start off calling their step parent may change over time when they get to know them better.

Blended Family Problems #4:

Disciplining too soon – Just because a step parent is now in a child’s life does not give them the right to start bossing them around. For most kids they just see this person is “someone who married my parent.” There’s not an automatic authority that is gained once that ring is placed on your finger. Doing this step wrong leads to more blended family problems than any of the other pieces we’ve talked about.

• Instead of the new “parent”, I encourage new step parents to see themselves as a new positive adult role model in the kid’s lives.
• Let the parent do the parenting. You need to focus on just building a relationship with the kids.

Blended Family Problems #5:

Not allowing everyone enough time to get to know each other before the wedding – A step family is the combination of a lot of strangers being forced to suddenly live together. Just because this new married couple loves each other and wants to live together doesn’t mean any of the other family members are thrilled about the idea.

• Give everyone a chance to get to know each other and start to build some type of relationship together before cramming everyone under one roof.

Following these steps will get you on the right track for avoiding these common blended family problems, but they aren’t going to solve everything. I want to encourage you to be proactive!  Don’t wait until these problems are drastically affecting your remarriage with children. A little prevention is always better than dealing with an emergency.  The best recommendation I have for prevention is my book Step Family Success!  Read more about it today!

Tags: blended, blended family, blended family problems, family