As you begin to think about or start dating after your divorce, be prepared for how your children may react to this. Here’s some important dating advice – a big determining factor in their reaction to you dating is how you’ve responded to being divorced.
Dating Advice – What Should the Kids Know?
It’s typical for people to be upset and struggle with the transition from marriage to divorce. I’m not saying you have to keep a stiff upper lip in front of your kids and never let them see that you’re struggling with this life change. On the contrary, I think there’s a fine line between letting them know too much and too little.
Your kids are hurting too. Knowing this is hard for you too is comforting to your children. Being up front with them that you are sad, or angry is ok to an extent. Lying around the house crying all day or bad mouthing their other parent every chance you get is going too far.
Your children need to see you go through some of the grief and watch you come out of it too. Remember, every action you take models for your kids how to cope with life. You want them to see a “normal” transition from marriage to divorce. Part of that is grief. Part of that is anger. But, life moves on. That’s where this dating advice comes in handy.
If your kids have watched you handle this transition and see that life is becoming more stable for you and for them, they are much more likely to accept the idea of you dating. It makes sense. Dating is just another part of that “moving forward” process.
Does that mean they will like it and look forward to the possibility of a step parent? I wouldn’t go that far. But it will feel logical to them that you’ve moved on and are heading toward a new stage in your life. What doesn’t make sense is watching you scream and yell at their other parent and then leave for a date an hour later.
Dating Advice – Just Be Real.
Be real with your kids in a way that’s age appropriate. If they ask questions about why you want to date, let them know that you have accepted that the marriage is over and you want to move forward with your life. It’s important that you stress to them this doesn’t mean you are leaving them in the past. Reiterate to the kids how important they are to you and how you will always do your best to make good decisions for all of you. Remember this important dating advice as you step out and begin this new phase of your life. Oh, and have fun!
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