Divorced parents are frequently pressured into dating after divorce quickly. You may be getting “healthy relationship tips” from all kinds of people.
They’ve probably already started tell you about people they know who would be perfect for you.
But are you ready? Is adding the dating scene to your life a good move for you right now?
Let’s look at 5 healthy relationship tips to accomplish before you consider dating after divorce…
1. You see your ex-wife or ex-husband as the other parent, not as a romantic partner - Reconciliation dreams have stopped at this point. You have accepted that the marriage is over and there is no going back. You may actually have a better perspective on your previous marriage now, and find yourself grateful that it’s over. A dead give away that you’ve accomplished this task is, when you don’t have a desire to “get even” or try to hurt your ex anymore. You don’t view dating after divorce as a race to see who can remarry quicker or show he/she is the happiest now.
2. You’ve created a family with your children as a single parent - With life settling down and you becoming less emotional, this healthy relationship tip focuses on how you’ve you’ve been able to really reinvest your energies into your kids. You’ve created an environment in your home that is a family. It’s not just a bunch of broken people living in the same house. You’ve created new traditions and ways of doing life together as this new family unit.
3. Life has calmed down - The dust has settled on all the crazy changes that happen after a divorce. The legal process is over. You know where you’re living and are settled there. Financially you know where you stand. There aren’t a bunch of loose ends hanging out all over the place. The uncertainties present shortly after divorce are over.
4. You’re emotionally stable - There’s quite a roller coaster of emotions experienced during and after a divorce. Sometimes it can make you feel crazy. Those chaotic feelings should be over at this point. No more sudden crying or complete loss of temper for no reason. All of the strong emotions about the divorce itself will have passed by now.
5. Genuinely desire companionship - this is NOT about being desperate to be in a couple. In that situation, you’ll take anyone. No, now you feel confident in your ability to live your own life alone, but choose not to.Dating after divorce becomes about wanting someone to compliment the life you’ve created, NOT fulfill it. Your life is already fulfilling. Now you desire to add to it.
This one is really the crux of all 5 healthy relationship tips. If you feel a panicky desire to get out there and date after divorce due to a need to be in a couple, pressure from friends or any other reason, the hard truth is that you’re not ready. With that urgency being your motivation, you’re much more likely to wind up in a relationship with someone not deserving of you or your children. Your choosiness antennae won’t be up and you’ll grasp the first breathing body that smiles at you.
Why settle? You’ve already been through a tough ending of a marriage. Now’s the time to have fun; get to know some new people and not feel like you have to hurry up and get married again.
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