Joint Custody takes some getting used to. When the kids leave your home to go spend time with their other parent, it can be a difficult. Let’s look at an important step in making your child custody agreement go more smoothly.
Make sure all drop off and pick up details are taken care of BEFORE you leave the house.
If you want to have a successful child custody agreement, this step needs to be standard procedure for you and your ex. Try to get in the habit of doing this right away.
How the two of you decide to communicate these details depends on you. Couples who are still in the throes of divorce anger may find email works best since they don’t have to communicate directly in dealing with joint custody issues. Email also allows you to review what you’ve said and edit it to make sure you’re presenting yourself well.
There are several reasons why these joint custody details shouldn’t be haggled over in front of the kids…
Your kids may already feel like a ping pong ball bouncing back and forth from place to place. If they hear you discussing the when’s and where’s of everything that only reinforces this feeling.
The longer the child custody agreement drop off takes, the more anxiety kids will feel. A kiss/hug good bye and then the switch is the best way to do it. This is especially the case with younger children.
Even though the situation is completely different, think about how kids react when you drop them off at a babysitter’s. If you take too long they can begin crying and get upset, saying, “I want to stay with you!” This is not the way you want to start off their time with their other parent.
Having these details taken care of beforehand also prevents any arguing in front of the kids as you haggle over changes to the usual child custody agreement schedule. Arguing is the absolute worst thing you can do. This switching time is already stressful for all parties involved. Why make it even worse by arguing with your ex wife or ex-husband?
Any arguing that’s going to take place needs to happen before you’re there with the kids. Everything needs to be settled before the kids are around.
Does that mean you necessarily agree with everything? Maybe not, but the “discussions” need to be finished before the kids are around. Working with your ex spouse to negotiate these details can be difficult, especially if you’re still feeling really hurt or angry about the divorce. Being able to put these feelings aside for the sake of your children however, is truly the sign of mature divorced parents who are doing their best to share joint custody.
Want some ideas for how to get along better with either your ex or a new partner’s ex? If so, I invite you to learn more about my book, Ex-Treme Survival Guide: Your How-To Guide for Surviving and Thriving with Ex-Spouses.
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